White Noise [2005] and White Noise 2: The Light [2007]

Shikyo's Ratings: 3 outta 5 PoPcOrNz!

It's scary enough to watch from one movie to the next...
     (I'm easily addicted to thriller/horror films hehe)
It's entertaining enough to keep me watching to the very end...
     (I was up at 2:30 am on a weekday night lol)



The two movies follow a very similar plot: the main character (a husband) losses his beloved ones in an unexpected accident, struggles to deal with the deaths... stumbles across something called EVP and finds the dead eager to tell him who's going to die. Being the heroic main character that he is, he believes it's his newfound purpose to save these doomed lives. And of course, both end up trying to save a woman... because we all know it's utter blasphemy to make a movie of a man saving another man =|

For simplicity sake, I shall refer to the first movie as "White Noise" and the second as "The Light." But first, let's explore a bit into the paranormal world...


So, what is EVP? It stands for electronic voice phenomena, wherein the voices of the dead are recorded ...yes, you guessed it... electronically!

Does the movie make EVP believable? Sure, if you believe in such things as the afterlife, or evil invisible being(s) out to bring harm to the physical world. Personally, I found it an interesting and creative idea. But I just didn't like how The Light used religious connotations... it doesn't make it anymore real, so why bother? Oh wait, I'm an atheist so I can't really speak for all.


There really isn't much continuity between the two movies. Granted, both center around EVP, but other than that... perhaps the only other thread tying the movies together is the reference The Light made to a character called Mary Freeman who was saved in White Noise. This is so that the sequel can take that extra ONE step further from the existing girl-is-going-to-die-and-hero-has-to-save-her plot by introducing a new element: the horrific consequence of saving a life.

I dunno why but I like the taglines for the movies:
White Noise - "Too little, too late."
The Light - "If you save a life...you are responsible for it."

Anyway true to all scary thriller suspense movies, you'll expect the following from both movies:
- people dying, people screaming
- flashes of scary images
- scary music, sudden loud noises
- er... did I mention people dying?
Surprisingly there isn't really any gore in both movies... so those with faint hearts are saved.



That's basically the gist of the movies. You don't need to waste any bit of brain power figuring out what's happening. There are no plot twists. There's even some "huh?" moments which leaves you wondering if the writers wrote themselves into a corner and couldn't find an "out" to explain everything nicely so they just decided to pull out a magick bunny out of their magick hats. At the end of it, I still don't believe in invisible being(s) of any kind nor do I believe in any sort of afterlife. But if you enjoy movies like Final Destination or The Ring or Sixth Sense, you might find White Noise and The Light straight up your alley.

* S * P * O * I * L * E * R * S *

Here's where you stop reading
if you haven't seen the films,
because I'll be ranting about things
that would not make sense to you =P

* A * H * E * A * D *

~ White Noise ~

It never explained why people only died if they were seen/heard on BOTH Jonathon and Raymond's tapes. It also never explained why Jonathon was seeing/hearing things that hadn't yet happened. If EVP is some sort of communication from the dead, wouldn't the dead have to be dead first before they could begin their communique?

The next plausible reasoning is that the Already Dead knows who will die before the Soon To Be Dead do die, but how would the Already Dead know what audio / visual message the Soon To Be Dead would want to convey to the living when they eventually met death?

White Noise: The Light tackled this problem easily by making Abe able to see who's going to die and not hear / see any meaningful messages...

~ White Noise: The Light ~

Close to the end of the movie Abe dies and his spirit/enegry/spark travels along electric lines to intercept the ambulance because he needs to kill his girl friend whom he had saved before she kills other people.
- Okay, he's travelling on an electrical conduit, sure...

Then up ahead there's an overturned oil truck that's blocking maybe half the road, and of course, a bus full of innocent people waiting to be blown up right beside it.
- Right... One of those wrong place, wrong time coincidences.

To top it off our good ole ambulance driver keeps looking away from the road, distracted with all the screaming going on at the back and then he asks for the time. Lemme repeat that: the ambulance driver asks for the time.
- Er okay... I'll account this to some bogus medical procedure... why the driver needs to tell the supposedly trained paramedic how to do his job is beyond me. The asking-for-time part is only important for the viewers because 7:30pm is exactly when she goes nuts and people are supposed to die.

Tthen Abe magically manifests himself into a visible ghost and kills his girl friend by overloading her heart... or something but the end result is that she flatlines.
- Huh?

And again he magically manifests himself in front of the oil truck for the ambulance driver to see and magically forces the ambulance to swerve away from impending doom.
- Huh?? Let's go back to EVP 101: People can only see/hear these "ghosts" when its played back on electronic devices. And only Abe's senses were tuned into the EVP channel because he underwent a near-death experience. This is the big "What The..." moment. It's disappointing because the entire movie builds up to this ONE moment. And this is what we get?!

Finally the ambulance overturns and lands on a spot that's wide enough for the damn bus to pass through.
- ...lulz xD

The last scene of the movie ends with the other NDE EVP user haunted by the ghosts of the innocents who were killed by the people he saved.
- Nearest I can account this is to some sort of meaningful "Retribution"-type thing, I'm guessing... since there's religious connotations in this film


* * * * *


Tidbit of information brought to you by your friendly neighbourhood Wiki : Electronic voice phenomena are speech or speech-like sounds, which are inaudible during recording but detected on electronic recording media upon playback. They are typically brief, usually the length of a word or short phrase and are sometimes said to be in direct response to the questions of researchers.

Beowulf [2007]

Shikyo's Ratings: 3.5 outta 5 PoPcOrNz!

Scores on plot
        -- story kept very close to the original poem
Deductions on "acting"
        -- characters were like souless puppets on strings


I remember reading the story of Beowulf & Grendel waaay back in elementary school, but the version I read only covered Beowulf's first and third battle -- the Battle with Grendel and the Dragon. Wherein Beowulf is known for slaying monsters like Grendel and later, when some idiot steals a golden cup from a Dragon, Beowulf is called in to save the day again. I guess the kid's dumbed-down version has a way of boiling down to the part where important lessons need to be learnt: (1) Be afraid of monsters that only come out at night, and (2) thou shalt not steal ...from fire-breathing monsters.


Having read Wiki's summarized version of the really long Ole English poem, I now fully appreciate all the effort the screenwriters (Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary) put into stitching up all three battles plus the 50 year gap into a plausible story... with the addition of a juicy untold secret =)


And as with all monster-killing movies, you can expect a main course of gore, blood, screaming and madness. You'll find it all in Beowulf, along with a sizeable helping of nudity.

* S * P * O * I * L * E * R * S *

Here's where you stop reading
if you haven't seen the film,
and you intend to do so

* A * H * E * A * D *

Plot: Loved it =)
It's a story about men's weakness for beauty and power, what's not to love? The plot came full circle with no questions left answered. Another thing I really liked were the references and hints to greater things. For example, Queen Wealtheow sings a song about Rose Red (which I believe is a reference to Snow White and Rose Red -- a really old german fairy tale). The film also shows the arrival of christian missionaries which raises a bit of a tension between pagan beliefs versus new "christ-god" beliefs. If I remember right, at one point a character suggested that they start praying to the new god, and the king dully states that new gods would not save them from old curses. Beowulf also has a line in which he states that the "christ-god" had killed the Heroes of the world and left them with "weeping martyrs."


Protrayal of Women: Loved it =)
In the beginning it seemed like Queen Wealtheow was the king's subservient wife but where she draws her boundaries, she admirably sticks to them. She's silent and wise, and knows how to look out for herself. Of course there's Grendel's mother -- that immortal water-witch who finds sport in toying with the emotions of men... how evil is that! >=) I know she's shown nude like ALL the time but eh, that's who she is.





Grendel's speech: Wtf huh? O_o
I couldn't understand half of the gibberish that came out of Grendel's mouth and what's worse, I couldn't read half of the chinese subtitles either ~_~" So if you watch this film, you NEED to brush up on some o' Ye Ole English tongue or make sure you can read chinese subtitles. For example, when Grendel addresses his mother, I picked it up as "Mordru" thinking it was her name... he was actually saying "modor" which is "mother" in Ye Ole English tongue.


Beowulf battles Grendel: Didn't like it...
It turned out more into a sequence of how creatively Beowulf can block a direct viewing of his manhood from the audience. And an hour later Grendel's mother is shown in full nudity as the camera pans from her stilettoed-feet to her head without attempting to cover anything... except with some use of gold liquid which didn't leave much to the imagination. So Beowulf's nudity was just a failed attempt at humor...


Mo-cap technology: Hated it...
Motion capture may sound cool and all, but I think this movie would've been better in live action. If the 3D characters had been actors, they would've been considered very, very bad actors. There are some scenes where you can tell the eyeballs weren't tracking right -- they wander as if dazed and confused. And there are some scenes where the character's movements are so fake, and some where their body language doesn't correspond with the speech they're delivering.


All in all, if you can forgive the phony acting of 3D characters, you should definately catch this movie. A must see in theatre for surround sound and reverberation effects xD

Stardust [2007]

Shikyo's Ratings: 4 outta 5 PoPcOrNz!

Enchanting and Entertaining fairy tale with an Expected happy lovey-dovey Ending.


I'll admit, I went into the theatre with very high expectations because I'd picked up the graphic novel some two years ago. There's a couple major surprises (both good and bad) in the movie which I'll cover later, but let me just say what Neil Gaiman expects us all to say: "The movie's good and all, but the book's better!"

Let's look at the graphic novel first -- it's called Stardust: Being A Romance Within the Realms of Faerie publish by DC Vertigo and for those who didn't already know... yes, this is indeed the same DC line that publishes those famous superheroes known to all as Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman.

How does Stardust tie into the DC Universe? It doesn't really, most of the Vertigo stuff can be read as stand-alones with subtle ties linking back to the DC Universe.

What "hints"? I'm glad you asked =) There's only one reference and that's to Death being a "she" ...this is something that only readers of the DC Vertigo Sandman series will pick up... and no, it is no coincidence that Neil Gaiman is the author of said series.

So here is my personal lovely copy of Stardust ...just recently picked it up at a sale for S$40 =D





I absolutely love the story because it's not your ordinary just-for-kids wimpy fairy tale. Stardust captures a real story of magical beings, not a magical story of real beings.

Wut do you mean? I'll try my best to explain. The book doesn't go all out to convince readers that this magical world could possibly exist; it doesn't waste time explaining and detailing where the magic comes from, and what else you'd expect to find enchanted in that world, etc. The book assumes you're a magically inclined person and it's giving you a tale of ordinary circumstances. All the characters encounter some sort of (random) unexpected mishap that they have to deal with and then life goes on. Not one person does anything outlandishly impossible (if that's possible in a magical world) or impossibly heroic, nor do they undergo an abrupt personality change. It is a real story of magical beings.

The way it has been written, with no perfect heroes and no perfect ending, and with a smooth plot that doesn't suddently do a one-eighty shift, the story just makes perfect sense (the way blissful things always make sense).

Now on to critiquing the movie... but first! Le friendly warning sign:

* S * P * O * I * L * E * R * S *

Here's where you stop reading
if you haven't seen the film,
and you intend to do so

* A * H * E * A * D *

The Introduction: In which some guy tries to contact an astrophysicist to look into the pecular anomally at Wall (a small village where the hero of the story comes from). I thought this was just trying too hard to connect the fantasy world with the scientific world, and really it just utterly confused me from the get go. Honestly if you confuzzle people at the beginning of the film, they might not want to stay and finish watching it =(


The Hero: If you want a dashing and handsome young hero worthy to satisfy your eye-candy cravings because you've been told the film falls under the romance genre, then please... don't see it. Our young hero is quite blah-looking. And because I'm a gal, I'm prolly no expert to go into details about Yvaine and the WitchQueen's hot-ness.


The Comedy Bits: Loved it. There's plenty of good ole sarcasm too =) Cross-dressing Captain Shakespeare is definately something that differs from the book (as does his name) but it's all good, and the best part is that nothing is drastically changed by this addition. I actually liked that there was a bit of character development on the sky-ship as the graphic novel didn't really go into it.


The Climax: Hated it. Yet another deviation from the book but this time it's a incredibly bad one. Here's how things went down >=(

*WitchQueen has knife blade over Yvaine's heart ready to carve it out... but INSTEAD severs Yvaine's bonds (the very bonds trapping Yvaine to the table of death)*
WitchQueen : Sniffle-snif... my life is ruined... go, go now and leave me alone...
*Tristran and Yvaine makes for the door*
WitchQueen : BWAHHAHAHA!
*WitchQueen majickally seals all windows and doors*
WitchQueen : Fooled you! I still want your heart >=) Betcha didn't see this coming...
Tristran : Oh noez... we is going to die ='(
Yvaine : Tristran! Hug meee!
*Tristran complies and Yvaine goes supernova*

WHY did the WitchQueen do that? She wants the Yvaine's star-heart but yet she lets her go in a moment of self-pity, and then later she decides she wants the heart. For a Witch Queen, she's got a case of antagonist-fail.

WHY didn't Yvaine go supernova sooner? She already knew that Tristran loved her... he came back from Wall, discovered she'd been kidnapped and rushed all the way to rescue her. How could she NOT have been "truly happy" when her beloved showed up and started fighting to save her. Must they really be sharing huggles for her powers to work?

Remember what I said about "outlandishly impossible or heroic" stunts and people "suddenly undergoing a personality change"? We see that happening in the space of ONE minute which totally ruined the climax of the movie.


Now, I know I'm prone to misunderstanding scenes from movies, so let's be fair and see how Wiki has it written: "As Lamia (aka Shikyo's WitchQueen) is about to strike the final blow, she instead cuts Yvaines bonds while weeping about how eternal youth and beauty is pointless without her sisters. At first the couple tried to leave but Lamia reveals her happiness that she can keep Yvaine's heart for herself. Yvaine tells Tristan to hold her, which sets off a massive burst of starlight so intensely hot that Yvaine's light kills Lamia. She tells Tristan that she could only do that when she was truly happy, as she was now that she knows he loves her."

Right.

Here's a pleasant scene from the movie, while I continue my long winding wtf rant behind it >=(





Well there you have it. Stardust: Being A Romance Within the Realms of Faerie (the graphic novel) is far better than Stardust (the movie) especially if you hate brainless antagonists.

So, word of advice... READ THE BOOK! =)

Bee Movie [2007]

Shikyo's Ratings: 1 outta 5 PoPcOrNz!


Bee Grade Comedy, Bee Grade Story, Bee Grade Lines. 
Bee Movie definitely lived up to its name.

Like any other stereotypical B movies there are dumb lines and silly comedy, tossed into a horrible story that doesn't make sense at all. There are many parts where the story completely lost me, and I felt the only redeeming quality to the entire film is their underlying theme -- even though some things seem impossible, it's not always.


And of course, to tie the theme back to the real world, the film opens with a little tidbit of knowledge that scientists were once perplexed at how bees could support flight when their tiny little wings and shouldn't be able to support their big fat bodies.


I didn't expect this movie to be a terrible silly joke. In fact, I rather liked watching Seinfeld, the tv series... it's full of satirical goodness. But apparently as soon as you squeeze adult comedy into a kiddie world of 3D animated anthropomorphized bees, you'll end up with a bunch of confused kids and a bunch of adults wishing for a swift end to a painfully brain-stupefying experience.

* S * P * O * I * L * E * R * S *

Here's where you stop reading
if you haven't seen the film,
and you intend to do so

* A * H * E * A * D *

Bee-Talk: OMG the bees speak english! That's not the main shocker... all anthropomorphized animals speak english =P So why bring this up? Well, the bees have a law against bees talking to humans. Don't ask why, the movie doesn't even make an attempt to explain it. It's a magick law that needs to magically exist so that the movie can have some sort of "plot" to desperately hold on to.


Bee-Technology: The bees have cars, machines, honey swimming pools, clothes, tv, coffee, pollen-extracting guns, and the list goes on. So why didn't the bees just create machines to automate the honey production process? Instead, they have ridiculous jobs like "Nectar Stirrer" and "Crud Picker" and "Swat-Helmet Tester" -- kinda like giving technology to a primitive race. Also with all that technology and knowledge, the bees know squat about tennis? Wtf...





Bee-Broach: To get into the area where all the fresh flower floats are, Barry needs to disguise himself as a broach on his human girlfriend's jacket. Seriously, why bother. Wouldn't it be easier to, oh I dunno, fly above the human line of sight? Yet another example of painfully dumb attempt at humor.


Bee-Humor: Moar lame jokes -_-" I'm not a fan of them so I'll dish a couple out cuz there are just way too many!
1) The Bee community sues Sting for naming himself after something that's bee-related.
2) Barry proudly announces in court that he's an ordinary talking bee wearing a Ralph Lauren sweater ...and NO PANTS!
3) The mosquito who admits he's been a blood sucking parasite his whole life, now carrying a briefcase, proclaims he's every bit a lawyer!


Despite living up to the film's name with huge helpings of B-grade deliveries, there are some vaguely interesting bits. The movie does attempt to reason why bees fly towards lamps; why insects constantly hit themselves on window panes trying to get out; why insects like to stick on windscreens of moving vehicles; and why bees are important to the plant ecosystem. Because it touched on environmental stuff, I decided not too be too harsh on my review even though the movie itself was a complete waste of time.